Authenticity

There is currently a group of Buddhist monks walking 2,300 miles from Texas to Washington, D.C.  to spread a sorely needed message of peace and lovingkindness across the United States. While they do stop to greet people and give addresses at waypoints, most of their message is conveyed through action rather than words. When they do speak, their words align with their message, and they have spoken about the mindfulness with which they take each step. They are a walking meditation and they wear their mindfulness like beautiful garments.

Their concept of walking meditation and the mindfulness of each step deeply resonates with me. I've been running for decades, and for much of that time, I was dissociated, lost in my thoughts and totally disconnected from my body. I thought that my disocciation was a super power; it allowed me to endure miles with bloody blisters, chafing, sore muscles, and basically ignore the pain. But I remember in 2016, when my local running club did a mile race challenge, I realized how present I needed to be in my body in order to run that shorter distance well. (The shortest run I had done prior to that was a 5K). When I ran the mile, I learned that every single step counted; there was no space to zone out and slow down. It forced me into the moment. 

More recently, I've called on my memories of mile race strategy to help myself to become more fully present in the moment while I'm running, and I've realized that running outdoors, particularly when alone, can be a beautiful extended meditation. Every time one of your feet makes contact with the ground, you are grounded in your body. Each footfall is my body's response in the ongoing converesation my spirit is having with the earth.

As I've worked on this, I've realized that what I'm really striving for is authenticity. I want my inner and outer worlds to be one and the same. I used to dream so large and think of that world as separate from this one, but I've realized my own agency to bring those dreams into reality. That's why I'm here. That's why we are all here. We were born in this world in order to live in it, not to suffer our existence while dreaming of another life. Authenticity is becoming, fully, who you have always been, even if you have do it while shaking.