Inside the Web

When you live inside a web
The whole world trembles on a thread,
Which can be somewhat terrifying,
Until you turn around and realize
That you're the one who's spinning it. 
Then you know you are the web,
And the world ceases to exist.

The Wordless Council

Come walk with me down to the bench 
At the bend in the sidewalk
Where the river and the canal meet and talk--
One from the depths and one from the shallows--
One moving fast and one moving slowly--
So each flows into each,
So the wordless council meets.

You think you'll never be forgiven
For the things you didn't do,
And that's not true. The reason you can't be forgiven
Is that the blame never belonged to you.

So let it go to nameless tributaries
Reclaimed by the earth
And let these words be the quiet room
Where you remember your soul's worth.

Shadow

Lost in the woods, I sat down by a tree,
And I asked it which way I should go.
"Inward and upward," whispered its leaves,
And the roots said, "Follow your shadow."

Meanwhile the bark, where I rested my
Shoulders remarked, "I have always grown
Outward in every direction--
Or at least in the ones you can see."

So I asked what it is that I do not see,
And he said, "You're not separate from me."

Authenticity

There is currently a group of Buddhist monks walking 2,300 miles from Texas to Washington, D.C.  to spread a sorely needed message of peace and lovingkindness across the United States. While they do stop to greet people and give addresses at waypoints, most of their message is conveyed through action rather than words. When they do speak, their words align with their message, and they have spoken about the mindfulness with which they take each step. They are a walking meditation and they wear their mindfulness like beautiful garments.

Their concept of walking meditation and the mindfulness of each step deeply resonates with me. I've been running for decades, and for much of that time, I was dissociated, lost in my thoughts and totally disconnected from my body. I thought that my disocciation was a super power; it allowed me to endure miles with bloody blisters, chafing, sore muscles, and basically ignore the pain. But I remember in 2016, when my local running club did a mile race challenge, I realized how present I needed to be in my body in order to run that shorter distance well. (The shortest run I had done prior to that was a 5K). When I ran the mile, I learned that every single step counted; there was no space to zone out and slow down. It forced me into the moment. 

More recently, I've called on my memories of mile race strategy to help myself to become more fully present in the moment while I'm running, and I've realized that running outdoors, particularly when alone, can be a beautiful extended meditation. Every time one of your feet makes contact with the ground, you are grounded in your body. Each footfall is my body's response in the ongoing converesation my spirit is having with the earth.

As I've worked on this, I've realized that what I'm really striving for is authenticity. I want my inner and outer worlds to be one and the same. I used to dream so large and think of that world as separate from this one, but I've realized my own agency to bring those dreams into reality. That's why I'm here. That's why we are all here. We were born in this world in order to live in it, not to suffer our existence while dreaming of another life. Authenticity is becoming, fully, who you have always been, even if you have do it while shaking. 

Mise En Abyme

It is possible for two hearts to be made

As perfect mirrors for each other,

Such that when they are face to face

Eternity smiles between their chests.

When the sun shines,

A thousand suns shine between them. 

And when it is night, 

The darkness between them is infinite.

Take them apart, 

And they can no longer see themselves. 

A Voice In the Distance

I remember how, in the moment,
It felt like my head had flipped back
Like the top of a Pez dispenser
And a column of fire rose from my throat to the sky

And I whisked my baby into my arms
Because a voice in the distance was screaming, "Danger,"
And I listened without asking why. 

That was the moment I saved her and myself.
That voice I heard was mine.